(Written by Patricia Leblanc)
I recently read a great article where a father, incidentally a therapist, writes a letter to his young daughter describing her future husband (http://www.viralnova.com/daddys-letter). Feel free to read it yourself, but essentially he is explaining that he is repulsed by the popular idea that a woman’s job is to keep her man “interested” and that magazine articles and online blurbs are what give woman tricks and tips to give him the “right blowjob” or when and how to make him a sandwich.
He continues in his letter writing “Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. […] If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you”.
Not only is this nicely expressed in an eloquent way, but also to me this is common sense. I have been lucky enough to have parents who drilled this in my mind; that I am special enough to attract and keep a good person, not without certain compromises and growing on my part, but that I don’t have to jump through hoops and please his every whim to keep him interested. If he doesn’t love me for who I am or wants me to be more like this or that, I know he’s an idiot and doesn’t deserve my care and attention.
But what about other girls? As tomboy as I am I do have lots of girlfriends and I see them struggle with this concept in their relationships. And it’s not their fault obviously. They just genuinely care for someone, and want to please them. So they do ridiculous things with the sole intent of making their partner happy, when these guys won’t even take the time the answer their phone calls. And somehow, in a messed up way, these girls conclude that they are wrong; that they haven’t done enough to keep the flame alive or that they’re not attractive enough for him (he’s always dated way hotter girls after all), and not that he’s an inconsiderate, egotistical douchebag.
Now this blows my mind. My disbelief has also been fuelled by a documentary I’m now making for school about a beautiful, charismatic young woman, who hates her body and writes about self-esteem in her insightful blog afraidofeating.com. I cannot possibly comprehend how these alluring women need the approbation of a man to feel worthy of attention and that cannot stand to remain single because they feel unwanted.
Ladies, I see your worth as a person and your charm because I am your friends and I love you, but I plead that one day you will see it for yourself, without having a man point it out to you. You have to know that, not only are you charming enough to attract anyone you want, but that you will attract that lucky bastard who will be absolutely amazed by how damn special you are.
I realize now that self-esteem is not about becoming a better person, and growing into someone that you are finally proud of; it’s about realizing that you were that person all along, that person who is worthy of someone’s time, attention and interest.
Ladies, we owe it to ourselves to love ourselves. You are an amazing person in so many ways, and I know I’m not the only person to see it. I just hope that one day, so will you.